eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
