I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
