I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
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Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
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By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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