I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
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I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
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Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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