My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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