Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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