mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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