i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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