1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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