Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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