I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
