He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
