Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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