Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
