WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
