T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
