i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
