i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
