if you like me you must not know who I am
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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