im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
