1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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