things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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