Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
