YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
