Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
