Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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