This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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