Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
