how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
