My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
