i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
