i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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