i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
