Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Im just a social blackout drinker.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
