On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
