yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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