Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
