If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
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