Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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