you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
