its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Too much gin, very little bucket
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
