So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
