I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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