She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
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