The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
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Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
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I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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