you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
