the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
