I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize