He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
We are two peas in an std pod
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
