i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
