The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
