I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
