In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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