they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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