My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
