Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
