Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
