people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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