so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
