And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
