And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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