Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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