is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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