someone owes me an orgasm
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
