Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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