I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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