it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
